Enough is Enough is Enough

This is a word that I have come to ponder over and over so much lately that it may start to lose it's meaning soon. And I would be just fine with that. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enuff. Enuv. Eneuve. Aneuve. Deneuve. Catherine Deneuve! No? It's a very funny joke for any francophiles out there.

Anyway, enough of that (pun intended), back to the subject at hand. This word has been haunting me lately. As someone who likes rules and structure and limits, this word could not be more useless. What is enough? When is enough? How much is enough?

How often do you find yourself asking any questions internally with this word? And do you ever have an answer that satisfies you? It can't be done, because it's not a thing.

Constantly I am frustrated with myself for not doing enough, not being enough. But how can I chide myself when there is no real parameter? I'm not thin enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. Well, I'm thin, pretty, and smart, so at what point did this annoying word work its way into my process? At what point along any line does this word creep into our thoughts. It's not defined, so where did it come from?

I set a goal to study for 2 hours tonight. I studied for 2 hours. Yet I finished and thought "I didn't study enough". How can that be? How is it that I did not hit an undefined goal when I did hit an actual goal? It baffles me.

Let's scale it back and even go simpler here. Mom asks "did you get enough to eat?" How do you answer?? Well I ate enough that I'm not going to rip someone's head off, but I didn't eat enough that I won't want a snack in an hour. I also ate enough that an African child would be jealous, yet not enough to be classified as a Louis C.K. Cinnabun joke.  Seriously, what is enough?

I am seeing it as a multi variable equation (perhaps that's the not enough hours of studying talking). But some number x plus some number y equals another number z (x+y =z, right? check my math if you must). X is equal to "enough". What is the value here? Completely and utterly useless. Yet it still plagues us all. We just can't quite solve the problem.

Don't even get me started on "Dayenu" (Figured I should throw in some Jewish humor- being Rosh Hashana and all).

Alas, I digress. At this point, I believe that I have said "enough". Enough. E-nuph. E-noff. E-nov. Almost there.


On another note: Many of you have told me how much you have been enjoying my blog, and I certainly appreciate your input and kind words. I continue to encourage you all to comment on my thoughts, enhance my ideas, and offer your own advice. I would love to know what you all are thinking about my topics. I am not here merely to talk at you- that would not be "enough" (see what I did there :) ). But my goal here is to create communication- dialogue, if you will. I only aspire to create jumping off points, and the occasional laugh.

My Sketchier Side

This weekend I had a chance to sit down and visit with a friend for a little bit. She has been reading my blog and had some ideas that she was very kind to share. Perhaps the one that I took to the most was the idea of keeping a sketch book. Now, for anyone reading who does not know my very well- I'm not an artist. I have never had any desire to be artistic. I took a drawing class once in college because they made me. I didn't hate that, but the ideas of inspiration never took. Just not my thang.

However, as my friend the art teacher described the purpose of the sketch book, I understood it in a new light. It's not just for artists who want to create the masterpieces of their lives; it's a private visual diary. I don't have to show it to anyone. I don't have to explain to anyone why I drew what I drew or wrote what I wrote. I kind of liked that idea. She talked to me about balance in the types of activities in my life, and I've never had any type of creative expression before, unless you count the doodles I make all over my agenda in my weekly Tuesday client meetings. I've never wanted or thought I needed it. But right now it seems like something I should try.

So I went out and bought a sketch book and a few very basic supplies. It reminded me a little bit of the time that Dizzle and I were inspired to start knitting in college, went to WalMart at 9pm on a school night and came running back home so that our neighbor could cast off for us and we could start our first scarves. I hope this new hobby will last longer than the 3 days of knitting.

So I have tried to start thinking about what I want to do with it. What are my thoughts that I can't use words for? What colors do I want to see on paper? What mediums do I want to create with? I'm not sure where to pull inspiration from. So my question to all of you for today is, where do you pull inspiration from? And this doesn't have to be just for my artsy friends, but for anyone. What things inspire you to think a little differently? What makes you pause and reflect?

I hope that I can start to fill some pages, and maybe I'll even post a few pages on here if I feel particularly proud, or if it might inspire a fun post. But at this point, I can't promise that I won't have an entire book full of stick figure sketches of Mickey. But if I do, I think the whole point of this exercise tells me that would be just fine.

Little Victories

Well today was interesting. My day started out by waking up in my sports bra at 6:30am with Mickey on my feet. Now half of this is not an odd occurance, but when I stood up and immediately fell back down, I knew this was not any ordinary hang over. So I did what any self respecting girl does...Laid back down, closed my eyes and promised that I would NEVER drink again. That lasted until about noon when I was ready for a cocktail :)

So finally around 8:00...fine 8:15...OK 8:47, I drug myself out of bed, cursed my apartment complex for not having an elevator, cursed myself for not having a Segway with attachable dog walking component and made my way through the cold rainy morning walk. Coupled with the general down-ness of the last few days, this day was not off to a great start.

But by the time I got to work and started to actually live in the day (and suffer the hangover), I somehow got through. I laughed out loud. I hadn't realized it until today, but that was probably the first real laugh I heard from myself in a few weeks. It felt awesome. It was almost euphoric in fact. I value laughter and its effects very much. Win #1.

Day passes and weather gets worse, which I actually kind of liked. Cancelled my softball lessons, came home and still feeling post-hangover effects thought about the treadmill. Luckily, Coach Synthia kicked in tonight. She made me get on the treadmill, increase the speed, increase the time, and sweat last nights beer off. Great workout, Win #2.

And now at this point, I was thinking, this has been a good day. I should run upstairs, take some Nyquil, call it a day and bow out while all is well, George Costanza style. Then that damn Coach showed up again and put my butt in the chair and pulled out not just my GMAT study guide, but the "Advanced" book that someone tricked me into thinking was a great idea. Sometimes after studying out of this book, I like to make flash cards with basic addition just to rebuild my ego. Good news is that I have mastered all addition under the number 10...any shot that will be on the exam? Anyway, I started working in the hard book, and I got things right. I didn't get them all right, no no no no no. But I got some right, and that my fine friends is a little something I like to call progress. Look it up if you need to :) Win #3.

So now that I have completed the grand trifecta I would like to call my day, I think it's time to sit back, relax, and catch up on Gossip Girl...WIN or FAIL? I'm not sure here, but I'm ok with it!

As a side note, I know that there are some of you who have been reading, and I would love some feedback just to know who's out there! Not you, Hogan.

Fall in Atlanta

Despite the rainy weather this morning, there is a certain coolness in the air that can only mean 1 thing: FALL IS HERE! For anyone who has never had the joy of living in Atlanta during the fall, this is the single best time of year in this city. The leaves start turning, the temperature is just cool enough to not be cold, and the activities are unparalleled. I'm pretty psyched.

Anyway, in an attempt to maximize my enjoyment of this beautiful season upcomming, I want to try and get a handle on all of the amazing festivals and events that are just around the corner. I know that I will be going to Decatur Beer Fest on October 15, going to a Clemson game Oct. 8, and other than that, I am pretty open to suggestions.

So what I am hoping for is any reccommendations for Atlanta Fall "Must-Dos". What are the events that you look forward to all year that I have been missing out on? Anything dog friendly is also a plus!

And although the official start of Fall is this Friday, I would like to make a pre-emptive toast to what is arguably the actual "most wonderful time of the year".

Getting Motivated

So it turns out that Coach Synthia has not been as successful a motivator for Everyday Synthia as she is for 10-14 year old girls. Perhaps that's because I can't chase myself out of the dugout. Or maybe it's really hard to take myself seriously when I tell myself to take a lap, because I know if I don't do it, I just can't stay mad at this face!

A minor set back over the weekend, taking a practice GMAT exam and doing much more poorly than I had hoped and been working very hard for. It has forced me to question everything that I feel I am working towards, and I fear this might be a hard obstacle to overcome. I didn't want to study yesterday, so I didn't. I don't want to study tonight, but I think I have to. This is not how I want to try and learn, this is not how I will be successful. I'm not sure where I stand and where I am going, so I feel as though I am grasping for footing somewhere. There's no one to catch me if I fall, so I have to get my feet on something before I slip. I need a little help getting pumped up again. We all need a cheerleader.

So where can we pull motivation from when it does not feel readily available? When quitting your job and packing the car as full as you can get it and driving to somewhere a week away seems the best idea you've got, how do you talk yourself out of it? If I were bowling right now, I would ask the manager to put the bumpers up, just to give me a little help finding the right direction. Obviously there are no bumpers here, if there were, Mickey would have chewed them to pieces anyway.

My Life as a Coach

For anyone who doesn't know, I am a softball coach. I've been doing private pitching and hitting instruction for the better part of the last 4 years. And just this year I have take to coaching a team as well. I love working with the girls. I love spending time on the field, sharing the game I love with girls who want to learn about it (well, atleast those who aren't there by sheer force of their fathers who never quite made it in baseball).

This week, I had a fantastic moment. A 13 year old who I have been working with for the last month or two finally got her first chance to pitch in a game. And she KILLED it! 3 innings pitched, 5 strikeouts, and the thing that excited her the most? No hit batters :) I was so excited for her and so very proud of her, I knew she was ready.

So I got to thinking about myself as a coach and the contrast between "Coach Synthia" and "Everyday Synthia". There is a bit of a discrepency. "Coach Synthia" is a confident, aggressive...well, hard-ass, for lack of a better term. I expect nothing less than 120% out of my players and students, I don't take excuses, and I want my girls to believe in themselves and work hard. "Everyday Synthia" does not approach the world in the same way. She's a little more tentative and content to float around, take her time, and maybe she'll get there, maybe she won't. She worries a lot. This version of Synthia also has her moments of brilliance but just not quite the same fire.

How does one of these derive from the other? Which game first, and which is real? It seems as though there should be more of a congruence between my two selves. I like the "Coach" in me, the passion, the confidence. Perhaps I should spend a week channeling my inner coach. Maybe she can push me the last 5 minutes of my runs when my legs aren't quite burning, but my breath is running short and I am ready to slow my pace. Maybe she can get me up out of bed 30 minutes earlier to do my hair and have time to play with Mickey. And maybe, just maybe, she can even get me up off my butt, down 3 flights of stairs, and into my car to clean it out...Ok, she's good, but let's not push our luck!

Breaking the Rules

Ok I am doing something I swore I would not do as soon as I decide to start blogging. Writing on a sad night. However, I managed to justify this post because I am not using this as an arena to vent my feelings but instead explore the inner works of how to cope with being down.

As the point of this whole blog is to understand how the life of a single 20-something is supposed to play out, what do people do to cope with the sadness that inevitably creeps in?

It's been two weeks since he left. Last week wasn't awful. I got to work every day, I fed myself, the dog was taken care of, and I even managed to have a few smiles and good days.

This week has not been the same success. Perhaps it's reality setting in a little more and coming to grips with the changes that I was able to dismiss last week. Life is not bad, I get that, I'm not trying to say that it is. I am not "unfortunate", in fact I am quite the opposite.

So allow me to progress from "how do you spend your time?" to "how do you spend your 'down' time?". So far, my best attempts have involved watching Project Runway, and since I watched the last DVRed episode last night, I am counting on Mickey's sheer wit to get me through the evening. Oh boy, I'm in trouble.

Sometimes I think there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking

Ok so I've finally decided to jump aboard the blogging train.

I've been in and out of serious relationships the better part of my adult life, always had roommates, or just been plain unwilling to spend time on my own. So now, here I am, living on my own- no boyfriend this side of the Atlantic (or Pacific if you want to get really technical) and just trying to figure out what it is single 20-somethings do with their day to day life. It's a phenomnon that has come to fascinate me as of late.

Now for me, I am pretty active whether I am playing tennis, coaching softball, taking a class, working, at the dog park, trying on every piece of clothing my closet (don't act like you've never done it!) or just meeting a friend for dinner. However, it's my time at home and my time alone that I tend to struggle with.

So I open my inaugural post with a question- This one's for all the laaaaaaaadiez! What do you do with your free time? Television is not an acceptable answer. It's a last resort (don't be offended).

My hope is that I can create a forum for 20-something singles to vent, share stories, advice, recipes, sales, anything you want. I'll post my musings and observations from time to time. I'll be wrong more often than not, so please be kind. We are all here to help each other, blah blah blah.