American Honey's A Callin'

It's been a very stressful week. Between a new and growing role at work, signing contracts on my new home, making time for the gym, classes, softball practice, and just general things you have to do in day to day life. It's been a lot, but I think a lot of good. At least that's how I'm choosing to see it.

But the last few weeks overall, despite the surmounting stress, have been eye opening. I've always been the girl that could do it all, felt I could have it all. Time constraints never mattered, efficiency has never been a challenge, and there was nothing that I couldn't accomplish. But, ironically, accomplishing something so big in the last few weeks has actually made me realize that there are limitations to what I can achieve. And I'm perfectly ok with that.

It dawned on me when I was singing at the top of my lungs in the car one day. One of my favorite private-car karaoke songs, "American Honey". Now I know what you're thinking...country isn't really my vocal forte. I'm more of a Salt N Peppa or Pat Benetar kind of vocalist, but you'd be wrong. I can belt my country with the best of them. And by best of them, let's all be clear that I mean I'm better than Mickey (but if asked in front of him, I will admit to nothing).

That's not the point I was trying to make, I don't think.

But I had an epiphany mid-song: Get caught in the race of this crazy life/ Trying to be everything, can make you lose your mind. Damn, Lady A, you get me. Now I did not grow up on the side of the road where the church bells ring and strong love grows, but there definitely is a wild, wild whisper blowin in the wind, callin out my name like a long lost friend.

And I've been listening to that wind at roughly the same level that I listen to anyone when I've got a snack in my possession. I know someone is talking, but I kind of nod along and focus on the snack at hand. Note: do not tell me anything important when I am eating, but you likely already know that.

The realization is this: I've been trying so hard to be everything to everyone else, that I've forgotten to be certain things for myself. And having done something as empowering and self-serving as buying myself my first home was a big wake up call to remind me that I have to be there for myself first and foremost. At least at this point in my life. This is the time in my life where I get to take care of myself. And as much as I watch my friends around me getting married, having children, taking care of others, I do want those things one day. But right now, I've got to be everything to me. And if you are in a similar position, you should do the same too. I also watch a lot of my friends forget to take care of themselves in both mind and body.

So why does this all matter? As I think back to the last few years of my life, as I often find myself doing in the wake of my recent decisions, I've never been good at this. I've always worked so hard to be EVERYTHING. And while I want to be everything, it's not at the expense of what I want even more than which is comfortable and confident with myself. And in order to do that, I have to be ok with not being everything. I can be a lot, and I think that I am.

But this next phase of life, which is truly what this is, I am not focusing on being everything. I am going to focus on getting really good at what I am.

So here's to the next phase, here's to listening to the wild wind, and here's to being something instead of everything!

Cheers, all!
CLW

Things I could lose in the fire

Oh my, this is terribly embarrassing. Here I thought it had been a few weeks since I last posted something. But, as it turns out, we're dangerously teetering on a year. Holy crap!

Just goes to show how quickly time flies, I reckon.

But tonight I'm inspired to resurrect a forum that has previously been such a wonderful sounding board, as I have much to share. So much has changed from May of last year. So much. As I re-read the last few postings and musings from nearly a year ago, I'm not sure that I knew how much my life has transformed.

In May 2013, I was in love. I had a job where I punched the clock and saw potential to maybe one day move up. I played tennis, I didn't coach a softball team. I had a plan, I had certain friends.

And today, in almost April, 2013, I am not in love, I work a job that consumes me (but I secretly like it), I don't have time for tennis, I spend what little free time I have coaching softball. And I do still have a plan, but a far different one. I'm buying a house. I'm staying in Richmond. Somewhere in the last year, I grew up in a way that I didn't realize I hadn't previously.

I quickly skimmed over the last part about buying a house. Yes, you heard me right, a freaking house. This matters a lot to me because in my life, I've never been one for concrete goals, but this is one of the few I have ever had; to own before I'm 30. Now many of my best laid plans have not panned out by this point in my life, but this one seems to be coming to fruition, and quite frankly, it's terrifying.

Anyone who has patiently followed my journey over the last few years knows what a roller coaster and transformation my life has been, and this piece of stability is both exciting and scary. And with less than a year and a half away from such a big milestone in my life, I'm finally embracing this opportunity. There's something to be said for being financially independent, free of parents, free of a significant other, and surviving in the wild on my own will. It's empowering. Every woman should feel this moment of pride and fulfillment.  Imagine what I will actually feel like with the keys in hand an drinking my celebratory champagne in my empty living room.

In the meantime, if you'd like to contribute to the Synthia Floor Champagne Fund, you can direct all contributions through my chief fundraising officer, Mickey.

I hope everyone else has had a less eventful last year, and I promise to get back in the swing of channeling my inner Cindy Lou Who.

Until we meet again,
CLW