Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Faces of Your Job

Raise your hand if you work in corporate America. Ok, now put your hand down. Now raise it again to re-confirm.

Now put your hand down - you look ridiculous raising your hand by yourself. Gotcha! Bazinga! Anyway...

But if you felt so moved to raise it the first time (not so much the second time since that was just me having a little fun), then you have probably come into contact with some very colorful personalities in your office work space during your stint in Corporate Land.

Not that I'm a seasoned vetern in the work force by any means, but I've been immersed in the corporate circus called "my career" just long enough to have identified several commonalities across jobs and industries. I'm comfortable enough with this petite sample size to draw some conclusions about a few office staples that I think we have all become too familiar with.

The Mail Room Guy: Every office that I've ever worked in has THAT guy. The guy who runs the mail room. Maybe you know him as the Office Manager. Maybe you have seen him lurking behind your car on his lunch break. Maybe you have seen him adding your friends on Facebook. Maybe he's your brother. However you've gotten to "know" him, you know the creeper I'm talking about.

The Freaker-Outer: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Can you BELIEVE they got rid of the Earl Grey Tea?!?!?! It's unacceptable, I tell you! Who's with me!! Ya, her. Avoid her in the hallways, she WILL corner you, and she WILL have a petition for you to sign.

The Person Who Is ALWAYS right: The worst part is most offices have several of these. I think that this person is possibly one of the most versatile in today's line up, often finding his or herself in one of several other categories on this list. But it does not matter what the topic is or what the outcome is; they have to be right and you have to be wrong. About something. Anything. They are usually the last one to speak in a meeting, and it's only to point out that you said "their" instead of "they're" at the beginning of your presentation before big boss leaves the room and after everyone has already forgotten you spoke.

The Snitch: Did you accidentally leave a coffee stir on the counter in the kitchen this morning? Leave it to Cranky Cathy to send you an email with the President of the company CCed alerting everyone that company policy 437, section B on page 218 of the employee handbook clearly states that coffee stirs are not allowed to be left on the countertop for no more than 3 seconds at a time, unless in the case of fire. So unless there is a fire that hasn't reached CC's desk yet...she is correct, you are in violation of the code. And now everyone will see your weakness.

The Bitch: There's always atleast one. They tend to travel in packs. They will judge your shoes and your work. You can't stop it. Probably safest if you just assume this role yourself.

The Gossip: She's like Gretchen Wieners on Mean Girls- her hair is so big because it's full of secrets. No matter what's going on in the office, she always knows...even if it hasn't even happened yet. Maybe she's planted bugs in the bathroom walls, maybe she's monitoring your emails, maybe people just trust her too much because you know that if you cough up something interesting for her, she will "one-up" any secret you can possibly lay out on the table. Do not cross her (or him...but let's be honest...probably her).

The "What Does He DO?" Guy: You definitely know this personality becuase they are always at your desk. Sometimes with a golf club over their shoulder. Usually trying to talk you into going to Happy Hour at 2pm. They are never actually doing anything.  Office full of games and toys? Check. King of email forwards? Check. 2-day work weeks? Check. What do they do???? (FYI...probably Sales)

The Crazy Cat Lady: She's really nice. And she has a lot of cats. She inspires you not to be her when you grow up. Not to mention that she makes you thankful that you have dogs.

The Week Night Partier: This one is usually pretty easy to pin point in the building. Just follow the perpetual vodka-soaked stench. In case you were not blessed with great olfactory senses, then just keep an eye out for anyone sporting the same threads day after day, disheveled hair, and probably still a stamp on their hand from the night before. And by night before I mean they left the club and came straight to the office. Possibly a quick nap in their car in the back of the parking lot if they were lucky. So if you are one of those that gets to the office before opening hours, keep an eye out for the late 90s Honda in the back corner of the parking lot with reclined seats. I recommend parking next to them and honking your horn as a friendly wake up call.


Now if you are sitting here thinking to yourself, "I don't know any of these people", then you do NOT have a real job. I suggest you go get one. Actually, after rereading these descriptions, I take it back. Keep your job...send me an application!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A New Life, A New Blog

Alright Party People, you asked and you shall receive.

Over the last few months, I have had several requests for a change in layout and theme that fits more in line with who I am. A photo less than 5 years old, a less seizure-inducing color schematic, and a new tag line. Ok, fine, maybe you didn't ask for all those things, but that's what you get.

Since the tone of the page has changed over the last few months to go along with the new scenery of my life, it only seems fitting to have made one additional overhaul...my page.

So, I hope you like the new face of Cindy Lou Who. And if not, please feel free to submit a handwritten letter of complaint to the Management Team (and by Management Team, I would hope that you all know by now, I obviously mean Mickey).

Happy Reading!