Well after having the pleasure of sitting on Freedom Pkwy in downtown Atlanta for about 45 minutes Friday night, I made some very interesting observations about the average driver in stressful situations. I think that the way a person handles themselves in traffic says a lot about who they really are.
Now I understand that none of us LOVE sitting in traffic, and it can be a fairly easy situation in which to become more irritable than normal, but what is it about waiting that makes people lose their minds (and for those of you who know me, I am NOT excluding myself from this category).
Here are a few of my favorite traffic personalities:
- The Finger Thrower: We all know this pompous driver a little too well. They present themselves anywhere that a green light is being sat at. Whether they are throwing the finger at you for sitting at the light or sitting at the light and getting honked at. These guys universally accomplish nothing. Not even burning an extra 3 calories by lifting their finger.
- The John McEnroe: Perhaps even more pompous than the likes of the "Finger Thrower", the John McEnroe driver is a yeller. He likes to fight with his words, maybe even punch the occasional steering wheel. He's a loose canon with a penchant for ridiculous outbursts that will change nothing about the situation.
- The Eeyore: This poor victimized driver was just destined to sit in the traffic. In fact, if he hadn't been going the same direction as you today, you probably wouldn't have had to sit in traffic at all. Trouble just follows him and he's completely reisgned to it. Eeyores are easy to spot, their head will be leaning on the window and there will probably be a dark cloud raining only over their automobile. Thaaaanks for noticing him...
- The Harry Caray: This driver can be characterized by a random bobbing and weaving pattern of the car's movements. In a desperate attempt to see what's going on ahead, he will pull off onto the shoulder, dart back over two lanes when there is no where to go, and then settle back in his original spot thinking that he has just successfully made progress. Odds are good he'll also be eating a hot dog or a moon made of cheese all the while.
- The Existentialist: No Exit- "Hell is other people" (or cars in this case). There's nothing that can be done.
- The Busy Body: Only present in extreme traffic situations- i.e. serious enough that engines will start to be turned off- the Busy Body will leave the jurisdiction of their vehicle and journey to yours. They will knock on your window and ask you if you know what's going on, as if you have a direct link to the CBS News Helicopter and can provide late breaking news. This is also the same person who asks you what's wrong with the printer at the office.
- The Diva: They are unphased by the traffic and time being wasted because for this particular driver, this is their time to shine. It gives them much needed additional time to continue work on their Grammy-winning recording career. Because, clearly, they need it.
- The Nervous Nelly: This is probably closest to where I would fall. This driver has traffic anxiety. Now, in my case, about a year ago I spent an entire night, about 7 hours stuck on the interstate in an epic traffic jam. Now every time I sense the slightest traffic issue, I turn into a Kristen Wiig like character (think Sue who gets so nervous about keeping any secret, she busts through a screen door) and just want out of the car more than anything else in the whole wide world. This particular breed of driver can easily trasform into a "Finger Thrower", a "John McEnroe", an "Eeyore" or a "Harry Caray" at any given moment.
And then of course there is the Blogger- she who tried to use her time stuck in the car, waiting to get past a light in time to make a dinner reservation, to find some form of humor worth writing about. Hopefully she was able to succeed.
Safe driving to you all!
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