I've just returned from a lovely weekend in Houston (details about which you can read on the new Cindy Lou Who page- Adventures of 2012). It's not a particularly treacherous trip, the hour and a half direct flight, but today's trip home was just...what's the word??....oh ya, awful.
Not that there was any turbulance, or the selectoin of gourmet pretzels and peanuts didn't hit the spot, but the passengers, were just horrible. And I blame the airlines. I know we all find it annoying that most airlines have started charging fees out the wazoo for baggage, and in an effort to adjust, we have all started taking carry ons to avoid the hassle of Baggage Claim and the $25-$35 each way depending on the airline. This is what I am calling the "root of the problem". Due to increased carry on luggage and a static amount of overhead space, competition for these valuable spots is at an all time high. And it's a bloody battlefield out there.
Anyone who has been on a domestic flight in the last 5 years knows the exact trepidation that I am refering to - will I be able to get on the plane in time to get a spot for my bag? Or, Heaven forbid, will they have to...(insert sinister Apocalyptic sountrack)...CHECK IT! I don't even have a name tag on my bag, we aren't prepared for this! Today, while I stood as close to the boarding line as I was allowed before they called my actual zone number (Hey- I never said I wasn't part of the problem), I almost saw a fist fight ensue while jockeying for position to get in line for the line. A man who cursed at his wife to (and this is a direct quote) "get off your fat a$$ and let's get ready to get in that GD line" practically trampled a 4'11'' grey haired lady. When the son who was assisting the elderly mother snapped back at him to "calm down", the man simply replied (also a direct quote) "why don't you get her out of the line of fire, buddy". Except instead of the word buddy, he chose a slightly less affectionate nickname. I was really hoping that the attendant taking tickets was going to send him and his suitcases to the back of the line to think about what he had done. No dice.
Next time you are at the airport waiting for a flight, notice the redistribution of the waiting passengers. No one is sitting in the back corner next to the alternating numbered gate over, but the crowd has gathered in the seats as close to the gate as possible, including the floor. People would rather sit on the disgusting airport carpet and lean against the wall for an hour than risk being too far away to snag a coveted overhead storage spot for LOS....I mean....his or her suitcase. (this reference will be lost on you unless you have read the intro to my suitcase on the new page). And when they actually start boarding passengers, you will notice what I like to call the Gate Creep. Everyone start slowly inching towards the door to the jetway, not entirely unlike a group of zombies who have just spotted fresh brains. The only way to stop them is to destroy them.
But seriously, Mr. Airline, look at what you are doing to your passengers. You are pitting us against each other and then locking us in a 39,000 mile high cabin with bad $7 drinks. And the cabin crew perpetuates this situation. When I couldn't find storage this afternoon, I told the flight attendant that I needed to check my bag, there were no open spaces. She then asked me if I had walked the entire plane and was I SURE there was no where to put it? (Which tells me that even she didn't want me to have to check the bag). At this point, I explain to her that I am fairly certain that I have aptly assessed the situation and can with about 95% confidence guarantee that my bag will not fit in any of the room left. Then, with a frustrated sigh and eye roll, she takes my bag from me and does her own assessment of the situation and concurs. Thank goodness we were able to get on the same page about that one. At this point in the game, it's also important to note that I am the only standing passenger on the plane, the rest of the group is seated with their buckles fastened, and ready for take off. As I wish to be as well, instead of all eyes on me and my baggage situation.
The woman finally asks in my seating area who's bags are in a specific bin across the way, because there are several small ones and a coat. Well, of course it would be both of the men seated on either side of me (Ironically, this is also the story of how I learned to spend the $10 extra and never have a middle seat again). And she tells them that the overhead space is reserved for larger carry ons and they will have to put their items under their seats. Oh boy, they were not happy with me. They spent the rest of the flight elbowing and kneeing me to remind me that I was the cause of their lack of space. Which is so not fair, because if the woman had just checked the bag in the first place, we might have already been in the air, enjoying our $7 watered down cocktails instead of all getting to be better friends. I tried to play by their rules, and they wouldn't let me. This was just a tense flight all around.
Travel is stressful enough as it is, now we have to add a foot race to the boarding line with a possible sudden death in the event of a tie? While I have always been loyal to my Atlanta based Delta and usually have very positive experiences, I'll be interested to see how well Southwest does when they start service here next month. If switching loyalties means that I can sit in a real seat before flights and not feel like I'm walking into the Gladiator ring every time I carry on my luggage, I think it will be an easy sell for me. If I wanted to wait in lines like that, I would just run to the bread aisle at the grocery store whenever ice is predicted.
So, in conclusion, don't be that guy.
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