2011, Time for You to Go

I've written this post about 12 times now, and each iteration is a completely different composition. I feel a drastic need to tie up some lose ends on the mess that turned out to be 2011. I use the term mess not in a negative sense, but instead a literal one. There was no organization, no real plan followed- merely a convergence of any number of events over which I had no control. And that's ok.

So, in an effort to better adapt for 2012, I am taking a page out of a company playbook. I am going to analyze the bottom line and prepare for the next year based on historical results. What that means to me is I am going into 2012 without any real plan. I have a few minor goals that I intend to reach, but any overall blueprint, I am abandoning. While this seems like a minor implication, this is a big deal to me, and I hope that a new approach to the year will help me temper the changes that I anticipate coming down the pipe in the new year.

There are several certainties that I am prepared for. 1- I am moving. Yes. This is the news of the hour. How can I be so certain? Well...mostly because I signed a notice of termination on my lease this morning, and have already set up living arrangements effective February 18th. So I think it's safe to say that this change is pretty definite. B- I am certain that I am uncertain. Clear as mud, right?

The unkown? Well, despite the fact that this is such a broad category and constantly evolving, I am willing to throw caution and planning to the wind and just chalk 2012 up to a year of growth and unknown. I have planned most of my life to a T (did anyone read the post about the importance of my calendar???). I usually have my days, weeks, and sometimes months planned to half hour intervals. I'm not promising that I can completely abandon the inherent planning that I need to survive, but instead I am blocking time for chaos. A week here and there where I will agree to not make any plans (does anyone have a paper bag that I can breath into- I think I'm starting to hyperventilate!!).

My goals for 2012 are strictly related to personal development and targeting issues that I have ignored for too many years. Starting with......I'm not sure anyone is ready for this open confession.....learning how to ride a bike. Yes, you read that correctly. I do not know how to ride a bike. And while this seems so miniscule and unimportant on a day to day basis, I am in a constant state of feeling left out by this life skill that has plagued me for years. Show of hands (or comments), who else does not know how to ride a bike? If I get even 5 confessions, I will be shocked. This is perhaps one of the darkest secrets that I have in my arsenal. And it's time to clean this skeleton out of my closet. So, any volunteers to help me learn? I turn to you, my dear friends and readers to help me make good on this goal for 2012.

Alright, here's the worst part...I have one other goal. I wish it were a prouder moment than the time I openly confessed on my blog that I don't know how to ride a bike, alas, it is also profoundly embarrasing. 2012 is also the year that I vow to finally, once and for all, learn how to.....I don't wanna say it.....

swim.

I know. I know. I know. This is pathetic. If it makes you feel any better, it's not like I would sink to the bottom of the pool if I were tossed in the deep end. It's just that I'm not sure that my arm flailing, leg kicking, head above water approach to staying affloat is really the way to float through life. What it really comes down to is that as a kid, my parents signed me up for swim classes- I went- and when I didn't feel like putting my face under water, no one really made me do it. So I just never learned. Kind of how I never learned to ride a bike. Once the training wheels came off, and I fell off the first time, no one ever made me get back. There was no powering through. And given my last year and half- I'm finally ready to power through. Time to ditch the training wheels. And if I scrape my knees up in the process, well then the scars will hopefully make for some fun stories to my grandchildren one day.

So now I turn to my favorite musician for some words of advice:

The best thing that I can give to you

Is for me to go,

Leave you alone,

Cuz you've got growing up to do.

                                                - Joshuan Radin

And while these lyrics have had very distinct meanings to me at different times in my life over the years, right now I recite them to myself. I am going to let go of myself for a year. Searching for my adventure, and attempting to learn along the way, a little more about who I am, who I want to be, and where I want to go. I ask you all to continue to read about me and who I am working to be, and help me to stay true to myself the best that I know how, help me keep good on my promises, and laugh with me when the occasion calls.

Now, as I wrap up my last post of 2011 and start to shift my thoughts towards 2012, I open the floor to you and your goals for the new year. If you can hold me accountable, then I hope to give you the same motivation which I seek. That's what we are all here for, right? Just people helpin' people.

Catch you in 2012. Happy New Year, y'all!

Sincerely,

Cindy L. Who.