Wearin' It Old School

There are few memories from our childhoods that we all hold sacred. A popular game, a trendy fashion, a genre of music. One item that embodies the essence of your childhood.

For me, the classic Old School baseball cap.

It's no secret that I was a youthful tom boy, organizing neighborhood baseball games in my driveway and never allowing any of the other girls to play for fear of them impeding on my territory as sole female basebal expert of Mountain Creek neighborhood. And part of any good mid-90s adolescent baseball fan's collection was a perfectly sculpted baseball cap. You know the one I'm talking about - that perfectly curved bill that you spent days working on to get to the point that finally, FINALLY, both sides touched once you took the rubber band off. Your hours and hours of rubber banding finally paid off into the most beautiful, perfectly bent bill of any Braves hat that you've ever seen. Ahh...youth...

And then one day, some lazy PUNK ASS kidz had to go and ruin every fond memory of the baseball hat that we cherish so deeply.

I mean, seriously...what the *#&@ is THIS??? Yuck. Gross. Ick. The bill is straight, the holographic sticker is STILL on there. This is so many types of wrong that it probably belongs on my Dealbreakers list. It's just...awful. Terrible. Everytime I see one of these "wanna be" New School hats on a professional baseball player today, I cease to take him seriously. Surely, what ass hat (pun always intended) in their right mind would defile such a great tradition as the "Perfect Hat Bend". A hat that curves at just the right angle so as to keep the sun out of your side view, provide a narrow field of focus, and lest we not forget...looks awesome. Practical and Fantastic. I cannot for the life of me understand why this New School of hat wearers has downgraded to a lesser version of the cherished baseball hat. Maybe putting the necessary time and effort into creating the perfect hat got to be too taxing? Would it be easier if someone invented a Hat App?

Don't even get me started on the sticker. Ok fine, I'll start on the sticker. I saw a group of 14-15 year old boys in the store the other day all wearing their New School hats, stickers in tow, and all I could think was: "I bet I could tackle them, sit on them, and get that sticker off before Security can get me". But once I was able to quiet my brain down from repeatedly screaming "TAKE OFF THOSE DAMN STICKERS, NERDS!" , I remembered how slow I am. But I still feel confident that if I timed my attack appropriately, I could have approached from behind, grabbed the hat, removes the sticker, and worst come to worst, worked on the brim fold while fleeing to the exit. And even as I pictured the 50+ overweight Security Guard mowing me down on his Segway, locking me up in Mall Jail, and calling Mickey to come bail me out, it all seemed totally worth the effort and minor incarceration.

I know I'm officially old when I start blaming things that annoy me on these damn kids these days. With their rock and roll music and their hippity hop. But seriously, these DAMN kids these days! Taking away the last thing that is good in this world (ok maybe not the LAST thing). This generation will be the death of us, and the root cause? Who would have ever guessed....

The straight brimmed hat.

So allow me to keep it real by bringing back the Old School, cuz I'm an old fool who's so cool. And let's all rock it out classic style, the way the baseball hat was MEANT to be worn:

My hats off to the Old School, fools.