Ain't it Funny How a Melody Sounds Like a Memory?

I sat down tonight not to write, but to read. As has become my nightly tradition - mostly so that I can justify the purchase of my new iPad. But also as a catalyst to developing comfortable routines in my new lifestyle to which I have not yet become fully accustomed. And as I started to read, with Sigur Ros on in the background, I was hit with an old memory.

Hoppipola (a track that I anticipate very few of you will be familiar with) began to play. And I was transported. To a chapter of my life that I have pushed so far from my memory that I sometimes forget was really my past. This is the song that I had planned on walking down the aisle to. It was going to be my big surprise to you, becuase I knew it would be perfect. This was a song that made us feel uplifted and joyous. It was the song...of our future. Only it wasn't. And the more extensive irony struck when Spotify cut off mid song and flashed a message, "Error with track, can't be played". Thanks a lot Spotify. Where were you with that one 5 years ago?? Before the house, before the 2 dogs, before the white picket fence (no really, we had one, complete with a gate). Geez, some friend YOU are.

And I'm not sure that it quite struck me until tonight how far removed I have become from a life that was once everything I ever wanted - WE ever wanted - until one day it wasn't. It reminds me that what I thought I wanted, wasn't right. And oddly enough, I look back on what was wrong with such fond memories. I can take pleasure in the fact that I got it wrong, but atleast I figured it out. And we are both the better for it. Both truer to who we were meant to be, and along a path to find what actually can make us happy in our lives. Atleast we were fortunate to have had a happy path to ourselves.

I think about you from time to time. And I've never wished you anything but the best. I have no idea if you know where I am, I certainly don't know where you are. I'm not sure if you read my words, or even know how to find them. But perhaps one of our kind friends will know this one's for you and pass the message along. And if not, then maybe the next time Hoppipola crosses your playlist, I won't be forgotten.

Here's to us both, and to the journey we each have had, and to the years that we did share. I guess sometimes it's ok to get it wrong.

P.S. - Tell Zilla that Auttie says hi.