My Life Tonight

If you had told me a year ago - scratch that - six months ago - that I would be where I am today, I would not have taken you seriously.

What do I mean by that? Well, that's a great question, I'm glad you asked.

I feel better. I feel good. I feel excited and hopeful, for the first time in a long time. Not that I've been a total Debbie Downer up until now, but I realized tonight on my drive home that I've managed to string together a few successful weeks of feeling uplifted. And I've been waiting for this patch literally for years now. It's been a rough ride to get here, to get past the things that have haunted me and uprooted me over the last 2 plus years. But I have an overwhelming sense that I've done it. I've passed the hurdle and while I still have much healing to do and hurt to overcome, I atleast feel properly equipped to handle it.

And I'm so proud of myself for getting here. And so thankful for my friends that have supported me along the way and continue to do so as I transition to this next phase of my life. I'll write more about this transition very soon, I promise. I know there are a lot of people out there that have asked me for more information. And I'm almost ready to share. But I feel good. Maybe the best that I've felt in my life. I know there will be days when I will continue to struggle and I'll hit new bumps in the road, BRING IT!

But for now, I am just content to sit here, on the patio, listening to some Van Morrison with my Mickey and enjoy the fact that I am enjoying where I am right now. I wasn't sure that this spot existed, and it's very comforting to know that it does.

I reckon, all I mean to say is that I'm doing well. Things are good. Great, even. Man, it feels good to say that. And I can't wait to share the details of my news very soon!

Wearin' It Old School

There are few memories from our childhoods that we all hold sacred. A popular game, a trendy fashion, a genre of music. One item that embodies the essence of your childhood.

For me, the classic Old School baseball cap.

It's no secret that I was a youthful tom boy, organizing neighborhood baseball games in my driveway and never allowing any of the other girls to play for fear of them impeding on my territory as sole female basebal expert of Mountain Creek neighborhood. And part of any good mid-90s adolescent baseball fan's collection was a perfectly sculpted baseball cap. You know the one I'm talking about - that perfectly curved bill that you spent days working on to get to the point that finally, FINALLY, both sides touched once you took the rubber band off. Your hours and hours of rubber banding finally paid off into the most beautiful, perfectly bent bill of any Braves hat that you've ever seen. Ahh...youth...

And then one day, some lazy PUNK ASS kidz had to go and ruin every fond memory of the baseball hat that we cherish so deeply.

I mean, seriously...what the *#&@ is THIS??? Yuck. Gross. Ick. The bill is straight, the holographic sticker is STILL on there. This is so many types of wrong that it probably belongs on my Dealbreakers list. It's just...awful. Terrible. Everytime I see one of these "wanna be" New School hats on a professional baseball player today, I cease to take him seriously. Surely, what ass hat (pun always intended) in their right mind would defile such a great tradition as the "Perfect Hat Bend". A hat that curves at just the right angle so as to keep the sun out of your side view, provide a narrow field of focus, and lest we not forget...looks awesome. Practical and Fantastic. I cannot for the life of me understand why this New School of hat wearers has downgraded to a lesser version of the cherished baseball hat. Maybe putting the necessary time and effort into creating the perfect hat got to be too taxing? Would it be easier if someone invented a Hat App?

Don't even get me started on the sticker. Ok fine, I'll start on the sticker. I saw a group of 14-15 year old boys in the store the other day all wearing their New School hats, stickers in tow, and all I could think was: "I bet I could tackle them, sit on them, and get that sticker off before Security can get me". But once I was able to quiet my brain down from repeatedly screaming "TAKE OFF THOSE DAMN STICKERS, NERDS!" , I remembered how slow I am. But I still feel confident that if I timed my attack appropriately, I could have approached from behind, grabbed the hat, removes the sticker, and worst come to worst, worked on the brim fold while fleeing to the exit. And even as I pictured the 50+ overweight Security Guard mowing me down on his Segway, locking me up in Mall Jail, and calling Mickey to come bail me out, it all seemed totally worth the effort and minor incarceration.

I know I'm officially old when I start blaming things that annoy me on these damn kids these days. With their rock and roll music and their hippity hop. But seriously, these DAMN kids these days! Taking away the last thing that is good in this world (ok maybe not the LAST thing). This generation will be the death of us, and the root cause? Who would have ever guessed....

The straight brimmed hat.

So allow me to keep it real by bringing back the Old School, cuz I'm an old fool who's so cool. And let's all rock it out classic style, the way the baseball hat was MEANT to be worn:

My hats off to the Old School, fools.

That's what Brian Boitano would do.

Alright, you are all reasonably intelligent people, so I think that you have all figured out that summer is right on our heels in Atlanta. We've passed the "snow" scares, the fake heat wave followed by the imperative cold snap, survived the pollen traps and have finally arrived at the 2 week period of beautiful, yet hot, weather. The humidity hasn't found us yet, and sitting in the shade is the exact most perfect temperature that anyone could ask for. But out in the sun, we are starting to perspire (because, yes, I'm a lady- I don't sweat, I perspire...atleast for the next two weeks). This can only mean one thing...

SUMMER IS COMING!! AHHHHHHHHH!!

As part of my Softball Park Board Member duties this season, I prepared a guide for how to beat the summer heat and avoid heat exhaustion and dehydration. I had to be pretty political about it, so I decided to share with y'all the REAL secrets to Beating the Summer heat. The tips they don't give you on the Mayo Clinic site (i.e. my first round version that got rejected):

• Find a decent pool nearby. This is the single safest place to be in the summer. Why? Because it's a POOL. A body of cold water with people paid to make sure you don't die. So if you want to not die from the heat, just hang out at the pool. Disclaimer: Pools are only 98% effective in the prevention of Heat Exhaustion. They do not protect against drowning or diseases such as skin cancer and anything that you can catch from children's "accidents".  

• Ask yourself the question "What Would Brian Boitano do?" Seriously. What would he do? Sure, he fights grizzlies and robot kings, and usually even kicks an ass or two. But, when Brian Boitano was in the olympics, Skating for the gold, He did two sow cows and a triple lutz, While wearing a blind fold- he was....ON ICE!! That's what Brian Boitano would do. Besides, Diddy didn't did it.

• Stay inside during the day. Simple enough solution, right? Just avoid the sun, if it can't get you, it can' hurt you. Nevermind the fact that this ould potentially cause the neighborhood kids to start assigning creepy nicknames to you, à la Boo Radley. So if this is the route that you decide to take, I highly recommend developing your stealthy moniker ahead of time and get the word out before little Johnny from down the block deems you "Crazy Pete", "Creepula", "Vampire Face" "Night Walker, Texas Ranger", or "Shadow Creeper". I dunno, coming up with nicknames is not my strength, that's why I keep a Marlie around. I do, however, call dibs on "Night Hawk".

• Drink lots of water. Umm, duh. And if you chose not to drink lots of water, then throw a few extra ice cubes in your whiskey, or be sure to stick to ice cold beer or frozen drinks with umbrellas. Please do not drink irresponsibly this summer. And by that, I mean do not, under any circumstance, let your beer get warm. Party Foul.

• Make smart investments. I'm not talking about your stock portfolio or other assets, but make a few purchases that will aid you in your quest for refuge from the heat. Allow me to make a few practical suggestions:

          Maybe one of these:

          Which you could store in one of these:

          But be sure not to forget one of these:

The SCRUNCHIE! Not a Tanner child from Full House...

How could you possibly fall victim to heat exhaustion when you are exuding the pure essence of "cool" out of every pore? And if you do, well you can just use your scrunchie to put your hair on top of your head, and pull your spray fan out of your fanny pack to mist for a moment!

• And lastly, the best tip that I can offer you to keep your temperature regulated and not pass out in this summer heat is to move. Far away from here. I'm talking somewhere with an igloo- Alaska maybe? Maybe Sarah and Todd have some extra room at their crib for you. Although, watch out for those grizzly bears! Might be best to have Brian Boitano's number on hand if you take this option. Atleast you would be able to see Russia from their house and can kick back with Joe Six Pack and knock off a few cold ones.

Now nobody can say that you weren't warned and advised. If any of you choose to follow your own advice - the "medically accepted" advice - don't come commenting to me when you wind up passed out not by a pool without the contents of your handy dandy fanny pack that you lost in the move.

Happy almost summer, fellow Atlantans! (and I suppose also to you too, non-Atlantans!)